Green with Envy

    I woke up this morning--or what most would call afternoon--to my Facebook newsfeed. Three of the statuses I saw happened to be written by students of the University of Iowa. They wrote things such as: "I'm having some serious Hawkeye withdrawals.." or another that said, "27 days too many  until I'm back in Iowa City!". I couldn't help but feel envious at their positions that they were complaining about. I guess you could say I've really had some serious senioritis my junior year in high school. If I knew back in January of my senior year that it would be still a good year before I got to attend college...I would've lost it.
    If that wasn't enough, I'm starting to feel a sort of jealousy even towards my friends. Every little thing they do that I can't, I find myself having a pity party for myself. One in particular, let's call him Kevin, who is my best friend in the world, makes me feel more jealous than anyone I know. He's 27, and I'm eighteen. He works out at the local gym (that I used to go to daily), while I sit at home or in a hospital bed. He is going to college in the fall for graduate school, while I'll be at home. He just become a personal trainer whilst I am too scared to even see how much weight I've gained on my home scale. Why does it seem like he's the epitome of youth, while I am beginning to feel like I'm no younger than seventy? I'm honestly beginning to wonder if he's detrimental as my friend in this current situation.
    Lastly, as I was taking a bath about thirty minutes ago, cleansing my body with sugar scrub and whatnot, I noticed a lump under my armpit. I shouldn't feel another node. I can't deal with more bad news. It seems that every time I take a step forward, some unknown force is pushing me two steps back.
     I've always been a happy person, but I can't even recognize who I've turned into these last few months. I know it's pointless wishing for a life that's long gone, but I feel like I really have nothing to look forward to right now. I can't help but wonder if I'm depressed. I hate that I even have to ask myself that. I just feel so alone in this world. Yes, I have wonderful people in my life, that will be supportive and listen, but they go on with their lives at the end of the day. It's completely selfish of me to wish I wasn't completely alone, but I just wish someone could be there every step of the way, helping  me fight this thing off, because sometimes, like my current state of being, I feel as if I can't do this alone anymore.